Right. So. The Delivery Disaster.
We used to love a takeaway pizza. It was the ultimate Saturday night treat. But recently, I’ve noticed a problem. I have to re-mortgage the house just to get a Stuffed Crust.
But we did it anyway. We ordered a feast. A Meat Feast. The sort of pizza that shortens your life expectancy just by looking at it.
The driver arrived. He handed over the boxes and left. We opened them.
Tragedy.
It was completely the wrong order. It was a Vegetarian Supreme, and there was sweetcorn on it. Sweetcorn.
I ran out in my socks and flagged him down. He apologised and took the boxes back.
Only 10 minutes later.
The doorbell rings. I open it, mouth watering, ready for my pepperoni. But he’s not holding a pizza bag. He’s just standing there looking sheepish. He looks like a man who has made a terrible life choice.
“I’ve locked my keys in the car,” he whispers. “And my phone is in there too.”
So, picture the scene. My family is starving. The “wrong” pizza is locked in a car on my driveway, and the man who is supposed to be feeding me is now asking for a lift.
I ended up having to drive the delivery driver to his own house to get his spare keys.
I paid for delivery, and I ended up working as his chauffeur.
Looking back, it was funny. At the time, I wanted to cry (I probably laughed a little too.
The DIY Solution
That was the moment we decided: No more. We are making our own.
It turns out, making it yourself is infinitely cheaper. And the kids love it. They get to roll out the dough. They get to chuck toppings everywhere except on the pizza. It’s chaos, but it’s good chaos.
We did invest in an Ooni Pizza Oven (which is amazing, although it does get hot enough to melt your eyebrows off).
But before that, we perfected The Frying Pan Hack.
It sounds like something a student would do at 3 AM, but it works. It guarantees a crispy base using a standard hob.
And the best part? nobody gets locked out of their car. And I don’t have to drive a stranger to his mum’s house in the middle of dinner.
💡 Tired Dad Tips
- The Frying Pan Hack: In a normal domestic oven, the top of the pizza cooks, but the bottom often stays soggy and doughy.
- The Fix: Dry-fry the rolled-out dough in a hot frying pan first. This crisps up the bottom. Then, add your toppings and finish it under a hot grill to melt the cheese. It simulates a pizza oven floor!.
- “Holes Mean Yummy”: You have to let the dough prove (rise). You want those air bubbles in the crust. As my son Noah says, “The holes mean it’s yummy”.
- The Garlic Dip Cheat: Don’t buy the expensive dips. Melt some butter, garlic paste, and dried parsley in the microwave for 30 seconds. It is liquid gold.
DIY Pizza Recipe
Ingredients
- Flour 00 Tipo flour is best, but plain or bread flour works well too.
- Yeast Fast action dried.
- Sugar Just a pinch to feed the yeast.
- Salt.
- 100 ml Warm Water.
Instructions
The Dough Method:
- The Mix: Mix the flour, yeast, sugar, and salt in a bowl. Slowly add the warm water until it comes together into a ball.
- The Workout: Knead the dough for up to 10 minutes. I know, it sounds like a lot, but it stretches the gluten and gives you that chewy texture.
- The Wait: Leave it in a warm place to rise (prove). If you can do 6 hours, great, but even an hour helps.
Cooking Method (The Frying Pan Hack):
- Roll it: Roll out your dough on a floured surface.
- The Fry: Get a large frying pan very hot (no oil). Place the dough base in the pan. Cook until the bottom is crispy and brown.
- The Top: While it's in the pan, add your tomato sauce and cheese.
- The Grill: Slide the pizza onto a baking tray and put it under a hot grill until the cheese is bubbling.
Notes
- The Roast Dinner Pizza: Use thick gravy as the base (instead of tomato), top with chicken, onions, and bacon.
- The Curry Pizza: Chicken Tikka paste base, onions, peppers, and chicken.
- The Carbonara: Cream base, pancetta, and parmesan.
What is the worst delivery disaster you’ve ever had? Did the driver eat your chips? Tag me on Instagram @tireddadcooksuk or come and say hi on X @tireddadcooks.
Love this story . Will try the recipe too.