The Blue Incident
I bought this jacket. It was a puffer. But not just a puffer, it was bright blue. When I put it on, I felt like a king. I felt like a very comfortable, very shiny king.
It was like being hugged by a cloud that was trying to show off.
The boy’s Mum, however… she had opinions.
She said that when I wore it, I looked like a bouncy castle that was slowly deflating. She said I looked like a smurf who had let himself go. She said the rustling noise it made when I walked sounded like “a packet of crisps having a panic attack.”
I ignored her. Obviously. Because I was warm, and I was stylish.
Then, one day, I went to the coat rack and it’s nowhere to be seen.
I asked her, with a whiff of panic in my voice “Where’s the Jacket?”
She looks me dead in the eye, whilst eating her Coco pops, and says, “Steve, it’s in a better place.”
I ran to the outside bin. I flipped the lid, and there it was, stuffed between a pizza box and an old nappy. It looked sad. It looked deflated.
I fished it out and put it on, right there in the driveway.
She came to the window. I stood there, covered in bin juice, wearing my blue puffer, staring at her and I shouted, “I HAVE NEVER BEEN WARMER!”
She closed the blinds. I think I won. Although I do smell slightly of old tuna now.
The Ultimate Jacket
Since the “Bin Juice Incident,” I have decided to focus my energy on a different type of jacket. One that everyone in the house actually agrees on: The Jacket Potato.
A proper baked potato is a thing of beauty, but so many people get it wrong. They microwave it (soggy), or they wrap it in foil (steamed, not baked).
If you want that crispy, audible “crunch” when you cut into it, with the fluffy cloud-like middle, you have to treat it mean. High heat, lots of salt, and absolutely no foil.
đź’ˇ Tired Dad Tips
- The “No Foil” Rule: Never wrap them in foil. Foil steams the potato, making the skin wet and sad. We want the skin to be like a crisp packet (but without the panic attack noise). Naked is best.
- The “Cross” Fluff: Don’t just slice it once. Cut a cross in the top, then squeeze the sides to pop the middle up. Then—and this is crucial—use a fork to “mush” the insides slightly before you add the butter. It absorbs the butter better.
- The Meal Prep: These take over an hour to cook, which is annoying on a Tuesday. Hack: Bake 4 of them on Sunday while you’re doing something else. During the week, you can just blast them in the microwave to reheat.
Ultimate Jacket Potato
Ingredients
- 4 Large Baking Potatoes Maris Piper or King Edward are best.
- Olive Oil or Rapeseed oil.
- Sea Salt Flakes Table salt works, but flakes give better crunch.
- Butter Loads of it.
Instructions
- The Heat: Pre-heat your oven to 220°C Fan (Yes, hot! This is the secret to the crispiness).
- The Prep: Wash the potatoes and dry them thoroughly. Prick them a few times with a fork so they don't explode (that’s a mess you don’t need).
- The Rub: Drizzle a little Oil over the potatoes and rub it in with your hands so they are glossy.
- The Crunch: Place them on a baking tray lined with baking paper. Sprinkle generously with Salt. The salt sticks to the oil and creates the crust.
- The Bake: Put them in the oven (middle shelf) and walk away.
- Timing: Check them after 1 hour. Give them a squeeze (with an oven glove!). If they yield easily, they are done. If they feel hard, give them another 15–30 mins.
- The Surgery: Remove from the oven. Cut a shallow line across the top. Squeeze the sides to open it up.
- The Mush: Use a fork to mash the inside flesh slightly, creating a fluffy texture.
- The Toppings: Add a slab of butter immediately so it melts into the potato.
Notes
- The Purist: Just butter and cheese. (My son’s favourite—he looks at me with disgust if I try to add a vegetable).
- The Classic: Baked Beans and Cheddar.
- The “Bin Juice” Special: Tuna Mayo and Sweetcorn. (Just try not to think about the story above while you eat it).
- The Saturday Night: Leftover Chilli and a dollop of Sour Cream.
Does your partner hate your clothes? Have you ever had to rescue a piece of clothing from the bin? Let me know in the comments or come find me on X @tireddadcooks where the chaos continues. For actual food photos without the bin juice, I’m on Instagram @tireddadcooksuk.